Have you ever be aware of something, without truly having a complete understanding of it?
I am aware of the fact that I don't like having my picture taken. I know this, it's not a surprise to me. Yet this week, I wanted to find a few family photographs to add to a project I'm working on. I had hundreds of client images saved to a folder, just for this project, that part was easy. But I spent over 3 hours digging through personal images. I dug and dug, I have only a handful of photographs of jason with the kids, and less than 3 of me.
This makes me so sad, here I take all these photographs of clients, I have a ton of them, and don't even have anything decent to add of my own family. It made me want to cry. I seriously feel like I have failed. I'm jealous of my clients, I really am. I can do a good job capturing my FAMILY, not just the kids, I have thousands of individual shots of each child. But, I don't do it. I mean, I know I don't like being on the other side of the lens, I'm aware of it, but digging through thousands of pics, it hit me like a brick wall going 80 mph.
Jason doesn't mind being in front of the camera, so why don't we do it more? Why can't I learn to hand off the camera to him, so that he can capture me with the kids sometimes too. I swear looking at our family pics, you wouldn't know I'm alive. I'm missing. And it makes me so sad. I think about what if something happened to me tomorrow, my children would be left with no images capturing how much I love them, no photographs of them with their mother.
That thought haunts me.
My husband and children are my life, my love, and photography is what I love to do. Why would I make the decision to deprive my own family of what I capture for so many others? I don't like being on the other side of the camera, but I don't like being missing from the captured moments even more. I don't like the way I look, I need to loose more weight, I can't stand my hair, the list of excuses goes on and on, but you know what? When my kids look at pictures of us together, they won't care, they will see their mom and how much she loves them. I want them to see how happy I am when I'm with them. I want simple moments captured, just doing what we do, spending time together, dancing, playing, being a family.
So today is the day, I'm making the choice to change it. I'm gonna make it right, for them, and for myself. I think actually felt a twinge of pain as I handed Jason the camera, but I did it. And for it being only the second time he's played with the 5D, and first time using the speedlight, I think je did a pretty darn good job.
So, after almost a year of posts, here I am, in my blog debut :)
Here is my challenge to each of you...and I know there are a bunch of you! I had 700 hits in just one day yesterday so that means you too lurkers!!
Get in front of the camera with your children, give them the gift of a tangible memory they can hold in their hands, something simple, something easy. And I would love it if you would share your images with me!! Feel free to post back here with a link - I would love to see of you with your children.
The above photographs are not perfect, but they are US, and that is what matters to me. I hope Ty and Taryn look at these one day and see the happiness I experience when I'm with them.
You are beautiful inside and out! Your love for your children shines in your eyes. I am glad you are going to make an effort to be IN more photos and you do have another photographer in the house and you know he would love to practice on his family -so let him go!!
I know how you feel about having pictures taken....I share your pain.... and feel pretty left out that I've never "made the blog". I'll vow to let you take pics of me, too, OK??
We are what we are, Lyndsay, and you are beautiful no matter what the scale says. I love the photos above and will have to order some for my "gallery"!
I love you!
Posted by: GeeGee | March 31, 2007 at 03:13 PM
Hey Lyndsay,
I don't think I've ever left you a message, but I look at your blog daily... for inspiration, for updates, for the photos. I think you're awesome in so many ways.
This entry SOOOO hits home with me. In fact, it was weird to read your words, as I have said or thought those words about myself too. It is very painful for me that I don't get the same kind of photos of me with my family as I can take of other people. Why are we photographers? We don't do it just because we have the ability to take a good photo. We do it because we love to capture life, we love to capture the relationships between people... it thrills us to capture those things. And I, probably like yourself, try to capture what I would want captured if it was for me. Just like you said, I am absolutely jealous of the photos that my clients walk away with. I don't have photos that really tell MY story. I would love photos of me interacting with my kids - the tickling, the laughter, the hugs...
My husband will take a photo for me, if I ask him to. Very rarely on his own though. I wish he would pick up the camera on his own without me feeling like a moment is being forced. Does that resonate with you? And something else (if I may vent a bit more) that really bothers me lately is that I've come to realize that people are way too dependent on me to take photos at all the events. No one ever bothers to bring their cameras along anymore. They know that "Debbie will have her camera." But you know what happens? There are never any candids of me. And there are never any photos that people can share with me. This really hit home when no one brought a camera to our last baby shower... Was I expected to take all the photos at my own baby shower? Yes, I was able to hand off my camera at different times, but still. It's really starting to make me sad. (This part is a total tangent and I'm sorry.)
So wow. I love your challenge. I've even been thinking about buying a remote and setting up the camera on a tripod to take some of myself with the kids. And I just told my husband yesterday that for our tenth wedding anniversary (this September) more than anything I would like to find a photographer to take family photos for us.
So sorry for carrying on. Your post just really resonated with me. At least I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I will join you in this challenge! Thanks for the push.
Oh, and I love the photos you posted. Good for you! And I think you're so beautiful. I agree with GeeGee's post that the "other" photographer in the house would probably love to help capture more "family" moments. With the two of you, and dad jumping in every now and then, you will soon build a great family photo album.
Thanks for the encouragement Lyndsay!
Posted by: Debbie | April 01, 2007 at 05:11 AM
Lyndsay, I could have written this post. I have NO picture of me and DD and she is 2 years old. How sad is that. I try not to think about it because for sure I'd cry. And i promised that this year, things will change!!! I love these. They will cherish these for ever. Good for you and thank you for inspiring and pusing us to do the same.
Posted by: frederique | April 01, 2007 at 06:18 AM
Wow! This post is so true and so inspirational. You are gorgeous! I read your blog every single day, as I kind of consider you my mentor (even though you don't know me! lol) and I must admit I've always wondered why we don't see more pics of you.
I have a tripod that I never use (too hard when chasing kiddos!), so maybe I'll just break it out and try to get a family shot for myself. My DD Is 14 months and I don't have ONE SINGLE family picture. :-( You're right. It's way too easy to miss out when you're the photograper, and that's not fair to our children.
Thanks for the inspiration! I look forward to seeing more pics of you and your family!
Posted by: Betty | April 01, 2007 at 08:19 AM
Ok Lyndsay! Well wait...first let me talk to Gee Gee! Your post made me cry! I have been an emotional wreck lately so the tears fall easily, but your love for your own daughter shines right through the computer screen just from the words you typed. That is why Lyndsay loves her children so much and why she is such an awesome mother. I love you Gee Gee :)
Ok Lyndsay, back to you!! Your mom is right, you are beautiful no matter what the scale says! You are such a great person and I am so happy that I met you both online and in real life. You are truly an inspiration to me and surely to others. Let me tell you, my mom always looks back at pictures of us together and she always says "Ugh, I look terrible in that picture." But I never see whats wrong with the picture. She is my mom and thats who I see in the picture regardless of any flaws. So you are right when you say your kids will love you in the pictures no matter what. And I can see the love in their eyes for you on those pictures. I love the last one, it's so sweet. Ok this is turning into a novel so I will end with this.... I love my photographer and I brag about you constantly, but you are more than my photographer, you are my friend! I would love to spend a day with you guys again, just to hang out maybe at the zoo (BRING SUNBLOCK!!)this summer or even a picnic at the park. So let's make a date and Gee Gee, no excuses!! You are coming!!! LOL
Posted by: Nia | April 01, 2007 at 02:00 PM
Lyndsay,
I have only known you for a short while, but you are such a great person and I have had fun at our occasional lunches together. I understand all about the camera and not wanting to be in front of it. I have the same issues. I guess it's just something we have to face and get over, but having the love and support of the people around us can make that happen. Just know that you are beautiful and so is the love you have for your children and family. I can't wait to be a mom and getting in front of the camera instead of behind it will be a challenge. You really are an inspiration!!
-Stacy
Posted by: Stacy | April 01, 2007 at 11:12 PM
Lyndsay,
I'm one of your many admirers whom you've been wondering about! I visit your blog every day! This post hit home with me, and I've since asked my husband to get behind the camera. Your husband captured some beautiful moments between you and your children. Thank you for the inspiration!
Posted by: chloebug (Susan) | April 01, 2007 at 11:12 PM
You look great! I can see how much Ty looks like you when you're together ... I see so much of Taryn in your husband ... you guys are a gorgeous family!
Posted by: Jenn | April 01, 2007 at 11:33 PM
Hey Lynds...Lurker here!!!HAHA
I read your blog faithfully everyday, I guess I need to post comments more often, I'm always too scared. But I read your blog because I love your photography, but more than that I LOVE your stories about your family! I "know" you waay back from the nest, and I remember the only picture I've seen of you is the one where you where pregnant and I believe it was your birthday, you look different now, has your hair grown out? But most importantly you look FAB!!!! Don't be afraid to get into pictures with your family. I LOVE those photos your husband took, keep up the good work. I don't have any pictures to share, but I'm newly pregnant with my first so soon I will....and I'll also be sure to comment more often.
Posted by: Sheena | April 02, 2007 at 10:08 AM
Ok- Ms. Lindsay... I took a deep breath and handed over the camera-Ugh- I guess I'm more of a control freak than I thought! Thank you so much for the inspiration- now DS will know what I looked like when he was one! Very important! Your photos are beautiful and so are you! I'm going to try to get "in the picture" at least once a month... That's a workable goal don't you think? Always reading...
Posted by: Stacy | April 02, 2007 at 08:53 PM
Stacy - I checked out your blog and left a comment - I LOVE the pictures of you and your son - you look beautiful and so happy with him :)
Sheena - Thanks for posting! I'm so glad you came out of lurking - please keep posting and congrats on your pregnancy - motherhood is a wonderful ride ;)
Jenn - Yeah, Ty looks like me a lot, I noticed it a lot in the pictures as I was proofing them. Guess I can't complain too much that Taryn is Jason's clone then huh?
Nia - you are the best and your comment brought tears to my eyes! You made me feel like a success as a person and as a photographer. Photographing your family has been one of the greatest gifts I have ever received and I'm so happy to call you my friend (((hugs)))
Stacy - I am so excited you guys are going to be venturing into parenthood!! I know that you and Stephen will be wonderful parents......and you won't have a choice but to be in front of the camera, I'll come hunt you down. Plus I know you husband loves to be behind the camera, so you're a lucky girl!
Betty - what a wonderful compliment - thank you! I hope you will share when you take some pictures with your daughter =)
Frederique - you are my most favorite photographer of all time! I'm giddy you posted here ;) I would love to see you in photographs with your beautiful children, I'm sure they would be phenominal!!!
Debbie - thank you for posting and telling me your story. I completely understand! It means a lot to me that this post spoke to you....sometimes when I see my stat counter hit 700 I think maybe my mom is trying to boost my confidence by hitting refresh all day - LOL ;) thanks for your comment, it means a lot and I hope you can capture some great shots of your family with you included. It's hard to pass the camera off but I'm now soooo glad that I did, and promise to do it more!
mom - i love you. and thank you for letting me take some of you and the kids this weekend. I know I will treasure the ones of you and I together too for a long time to come.
Posted by: Lyndsay | April 03, 2007 at 07:31 PM
Lindsay - these are TDF ..
I love all of them .. it's so nice to see you in photos .. I just think you are a beautiful woman!!
These are just gorgeous!!
And your conversion is perfect!!
Posted by: Julie C Butler | April 04, 2007 at 08:22 AM
Lyndsay,
I can't tell you how much I feel what you are saying in this blog.I too don't have many pics with my daughter...one,b/c I'm always holding the camera(though I'm nowhere as superb as you) or I find fault with how I look and always say "next time" or "when I look better/thinner/etc".But,I don't want Amarah to grow up with no pics of her mom...I barely have any of my mom,either alone or with her and that makes me so sad.So,I'm going to try to do better and become a part of the photo more often.
You're a wonderful mom & phographer and I love reading your blogs and looking at your work.I'm sure your kids will understand that mom's just been so fascinated with them that she "hid" behind the camera.Good luck with your venture to the other side of the lens.
Posted by: Tasha | April 06, 2007 at 01:17 AM
Wow, Lyndsay - GREAT point. That hit home. I'm gonna work on that this weekend specifically. I'm going to give DH a crash course on my precious camera and let him fire away tomorrow. I owe it to Ava. Thanks so much for the idea - I'll post the pics on my blog.
Posted by: Michelle | April 06, 2007 at 03:06 PM